me, finally getting a chance to say something I’ve thought about for twelve days straight: oh, hey, that reminds me, funny thing, this just came to mind but
i had a thought today like man, my ancestors would probably not approve very much of me being such an extravagant glutton, but then i was like wtf are u kidding. those dumbasses didn’t live on a fuckin potato ass diet for no minimalism. they didn’t do what they did, whatever the fuck it was, for me NOT to fucking eat my bodyweight in sashimi!!! they would be fucking ecstatic to see me making the most of my opportunities for plenty. they would be fucking cheering me on. every lice-covered cossack and illiterate serf and three-toothed yak herder in my lineage is with me in this restaurant, and they are going absolutely apeshit watching me try to fit an entire samosa in my mouth
me, standing in front of the burger king counter like the blithering hunger gibbon i am: i’ll have… uhhh… double whopper with fries. thank you. large please
the 500 mongolian tatar and polish jew ghosts behind me: [ERUPT INTO WILD SCREAMING AND HIGH FIVES]
i feel like i don’t have the capacity to convey exactly why the video is so funny. you’d go watch it because you'dve heard of the meme, and mostly you heard the ‘half-A press’ part and you’d be like wtf is a half-A press
but then also, at it’s height, there were just utterly incomprehensible in-jokes that were impossible to understand if you didn’t watch the full video. so you’d go watch the video, to finally learn what the fuck a half-A press is. but that part of the video is really only the first, like, 3 minutes
so you learn what a half-A press is, yay! finally! but then he just fuckin goes right on talking, and suddenly you’re learning about scuttlebugs and their homes, and the longer the video goes the more insane each subject he explains is. suddenly you’re learning how to charge up enough speed by dancing in a corner for 2 hours so you can make mario jump off this plane of existence exactly far enough so he doesn’t end up in the cold, unforgiving void of Nothingness
also just the format of him casually explaining something on top of footage and then being like AND HERE’S HOW IT WORKS and the panflute music comes on again and it’s like you’ve just been sat down at a grade schooler’s desk and you’re too big to fit and it’s really awkward but he’s already explaining the teleportation thing and you gotta take notes or you’re not gonna past the test tomorrow
imma say it. “kung fu panda” did more for body positivity and saying that you can be fat and still be healthy and liked than ANYTHING any beauty companies trying to get your money.
kfp also respects women more than any beauty company too.
